Shifting Identities

There is a wonderful book by author Julia Cameron called The Artist’s Way. It just so happens that my weekly art group is discussing Chapter 4,  Recovering a Sense of Integrity. It is about self definition and integration of new self awareness.  The timing of this chapter couldn’t be more synchronistic.

I think we are all entering a phase where we are becoming new people. We are no longer loafers who amble along turning a blind eye to what we put in our mouths,  what we see in the mirror, or what our bodies are telling us. We are becoming more aware of our SELVES.  We pay attention now. We gingerly monitor our aches and pains so as not to go too far and take ourselves out of the game. We have become familiar with healthy foods,  healthy portions, and healthy habits. We know what will make us feel good, what will make us feel guilty, and what will make us feel just plain YUCK!

When I started this journey I basically wanted my outside to match who I picture myself to be on the inside. I can do comparisons to what I used to be, but that was a different time and I was a different person (with a different metabolism and different responsibilities).  Now I look forward to looking in the mirror and seeing someone who obviously takes good care of themselves,  who values and respects their body, and who is vibrant and ready to embrace life’s many challenges and adventures. 

The author writes:  “Shifts in taste and perception frequently accompany shifts in identity. One of the clearest signals that something healthy is afoot is the impulse to weed out, sort through, and discard old clothes, papers, and belongings.  When the search-and-discard impulse seizes you, two crosscurrents are at work–the old you is grieving and leaving, while the new you celebrates and grows strong. (I’m thinking of Kim cleaning  out her closet and having such a strong emotional response—you’re getting stronger, girl!)

I’m in the process of weeding out my studio in particular, and actually the whole house in general. It seems like a nesting is taking place. Like I’m getting ready for the birth of a new self.

I believe that as I go through this process, the more I examine and question how the F*** I got to this point, I  just might be more prepared to not let it happen again.

Daily Goals

Kim
Water: Note to self – either find long lost plastic tupperware water bottle or buy a new one. This buying water is getting out of control.

Calories/Nutrition: Wondering a lot about the accuracy of allowing myself 1,300 a day. If I have to make an adjustment I’d be happy to; I just don’t know how to go about getting a good estimate without a heart rate monitor. And after pricing them, I know I won’t be getting one before I go on vacation. Poop.

Worst Thing Today: A little stressed after figuring out how much work I need to get done before leaving for Florida next Friday. Work-work, house-type work, etc. The list seems to be multiplying by itself.

Best Thing Today: After two unsuccessful tries, I finally got my ass out of bed and took a walk this morning. I bought ankle weights yesterday to make the walks a little more productive since the dog doesn’t seem to care about getting a good heart rate going as much as what’s going on with everyone’s mailboxes. Must stop here and sniff! And maybe pee a little! And ooh, what’s that up there, another mailbox?! Let’s go see what that one’s about!

Notes: Brian almost always eats some ridiculous snack between dinnertime and bedtime and usually it doesn’t bother me too much, as I usually save room for some small treat for myself so as to prevent feelings of resentment and spouse-icide. Until last night. He decided to make cheese toast and the smell of that cheese melting in the oven literally made my stomach cramp up with longing. He apologized, but since he was laughing, I don’t think he meant it. Damn him and his stupid metabolism.

TB:

Daily goal:  Stay the hell outta the bathroom.

Working well so far!

I will say that I probably did my weight-loss plans some good over the past several days.   Not just going for a day on nothing but four pieces of dry toast, a bowl of dry cereal, a couple of bottles of ginger ale and water…but that whole “food?  I’m not sure that’s such a good idea” that’s lingering right the hell on.