I had a lunch date with my sister-in-law the other day. We do that once in awhile; there’s this great deli near her hair salon and I’d been dreaming of a BLT (“Light on the mayo, please”) for over a week. She’d had some things she wanted to talk to me about regarding her upcoming wedding and I’d prepared myself for a good juicy talk about her family issues and wanted to let her know I’d be there for her whenever she needed to vent over the next six months leading up to the big event. Unfortunately our plans were thwarted by one of her co-workers who invited herself and another lady along. I didn’t blame Kelly; I’ve been suckered by things like that many times. And honestly? Even though we didn’t get to delve that deeply into the wedding-related drama, this woman gave me so much amusing/disturbing material to share here, it was totally worth it.
This woman, we’ll call her Tammy because that’s her name (no, I never get tired of that joke), was…a big lady. I struggled with what I wanted to say there, because I’m highly sensitive to weight issues and I am by no means trying to be insulting; I only want you to get the whole picture. Almost the perfect southern stereotype, Tammy also has frizzy, hay-like yellow/orange/black-rooted hair (unhealthy bad hair is unacceptable if you work in a hair salon), who was wearing a stained white tanktop, one where you could almost hear the thin straps struggling to maintain their integrity and a pair of pink stirrup pants. Dude. I didn’t even know those pants still EXISTED.
Tammy is one of those people whom you can immediately tell they’re just straight out unpleasant. Not a damn good thing to say about anything and by god, she’s going to share her opinion with you whether you want to hear it or not. Any subject we were talking about, Tammy weighed-in (sorry) with her expertise. Man-basher? Check. Complainer of weather, traffic, work, family, money, everything? Checkity-check.
Then the conversation turned to diet and exercise.
Okay. I’m a fairly open-minded person and enjoy hearing input from many different sources, especially on this topic I’m currently very interested in. I love this website, the fact we share all kinds of stuff with each other, and in the past month or so I’ve sought out information from magazines, books, the Internet at large and basically anywhere I could find it. But this conversation? I wish to God I’d had a mini taperecorder in my purse so I could transcribe it here word for word.
Tammy, who is someone one would not look at and think “picture of health” but more like “she gave up a long time ago,” had an ENDLESS supply of tips and knowledge on the subject. Everything from home remedies that boost the metabolism to how white sugar and flour will be the death of us all. My sister-in-law had simply mentioned she’d like to lose some weight before the wedding in March and expressed some interest in us making some time to work out together. But according to Tammy, working out is basically a waste of time, unless you plan on doing it six hours a day like “them dumbasses on Biggest Loser do.” And who has time for that? Certainly not Tammy – why she’s much too busy…okay I won’t go there.
After we were done eating and had gotten back to the salon, Kelly pulled me aside and started apologizing for what a fiasco she felt lunch had turned into. I just laughed and told her it wasn’t bad at all and that I was happy I got to meet one of her new co-workers. She rolled her eyes. But I meant it – I have a feeling Tammy is going to be a great source of amusement for me. After all, you guys aren’t always going to be available when I have questions about losing weight, now are you. One never knows when some emergency nutrition advice may be needed.