Jacked

February 18, 2011

I have (finally, perhaps) come to the realization that living a pain-free life in a flexible body is more important at this moment in time than losing weight.

I’m not losing weight, and my body is a jacked up mess of pain and stiffness. This is, just about entirely, due to my constant computer use. I can’t sit comfortably, stand comfortably, lie down comfortably, sleep comfortably, or BE comfortable. My workouts are suffering because I can’t be effective when I’m this stiff and in pain.

It’s time to take control, and take some action.

There were two times in my life when I felt like my body was flexible and pain-free – when I was getting regular massages, and when I was practicing yoga regularly. Fortunately, AcronymCo has a full-fledged wellness center – a doctor’s office, really – that has a full-time massage therapist on staff. We book appointments with her through our corporate calendar, and she charges $20 for each half-hour. Right here on campus. Work away, sneak off for a massage, come back and work some more. I’M ON IT.

The yoga studio I went to last year is still going strong and adding more classes all the time. There really ISN’T a reason why I haven’t continued to make use of them, other than that I just, well, haven’t.

My freelance stuff pretty much tossed my good intentions out the window to spend LESS time in front of the computer, so I’m going to have to modify and ENFORCE my off-line times. That’s going to be tough, but it HAS TO be done.

So (thinking out loud here), here’s how things are probably going to shake down:

Sunday: 9:00 a.m. yoga
Monday: Cardio/weights (possibly the gentle yoga class at 10:00 a.m.)
Tuesday: Massage session during the workday, followed by 5:00 p.m. yoga
Wednesday: off
Thursday: Cardio/weights
Friday: off
Saturday: Cardio/weights

THERE WILL BE NO COMPUTER USE AFTER WORK on Tuesday nights or Friday nights, and no computer use AT ALL all day Saturday. That’s right, you heard me. All day on a WEEKEND day. I’ll just have to fit in my freelance stuff on Sunday, Monday, lunchtime Tuesday through Friday, maybe some on Wednesday and Thursday evening depending on how much I have to do. I mean, damn, that’s GOT TO be do-able. Right?

Something’s gotta give, and if I keep going at this rate it’s gonna be my digestion from all the Advil I’ve been popping lately. I mean, damn.

I’m tired of hurting. Worst thing is, I did it to myself. Stupid girl.


Here it is.

January 11, 2011

Prioritize exercise.

Give up beer(!), bread, and cheese. For now. Until 20 pounds are gone.

Eat a fruit and/or vegetable at every meal.

I have no room in my life for anything more complicated than that. No tracking, no counting, no bullshit. Just moving my ass and avoiding my problem foods.

How are you simplifying your diet and fitness goals?


2010 in review

January 2, 2011

I got this summary of 2010 stats for No Butts in my e-mail this morning. I thought it was interesting/amusing, but I wonder why the picture of someone’s feet?

**********

The stats helper monkeys at WordPress.com mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here’s a high level summary of its overall blog health:

Healthy blog!

The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads Wow.

Crunchy numbers

Featured image

A Boeing 747-400 passenger jet can hold 416 passengers. This blog was viewed about 2,600 times in 2010. That’s about 6 full 747s.

In 2010, there were 74 new posts, growing the total archive of this blog to 199 posts. There were 6 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 705kb.

The busiest day of the year was January 28th with 58 views. The most popular post that day was Salty.

Where did they come from?

The top referring sites in 2010 were davideckoff.com, snerkology.wordpress.com, bourbon-central.com, Google Reader, and dashboardhula.blogspot.com.

Some visitors came searching, mostly for 30ds, weird tan lines, 30ds workout, 30 ds, and tanned butts.

Attractions in 2010

These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.

1

Salty January 2010
11 comments

2

Weird Tan Lines? July 2009
10 comments

3

What DOESN’T Work In The Gym July 2009
12 comments

4

Little Bonuses June 2009
10 comments

5

When Hypoglycemia, Security Issues, and IBS Collide August 2009
8 comments


Working out is working out

December 22, 2010

My current schedule, for what it’s worth and for those of you looking for a new routine. Click to embiggen.

Weights routine lifted from the Body Sculpting Bible for Women.


Tool for Accountability

September 23, 2010

For the next twelve weeks (starting this coming Sunday) I’m using Fitbook to hold myself accountable to my fitness and nutrition goals. Writing it down, and having visual indicators for my success, have worked for me in the past. I’m moving away from tracking on the computer (though I remain a fan of SparkPeople) since it has gotten to be too much of a hassle to be so very dead-on specific with every little thing.

So instead of tracking at a 100-foot level, I’m going to use Fitbook to track at a 1,000 foot level. Food items, but not precise calorie counts. Workouts, but not exact calories burned. Overall goals broken down into weekly progress checks. It’s big enough to have room for all the tracking items that are important to me, but small enough to be portable and fit into my purse. At first impression, it seems to be a handy little book.

We shall see if it effects my motivation and discipline in any way. If it does, it’s worth its weight in gold. If it doesn’t, well, I’ll keep on keepin’ on. Hopefully I’ll kick myself in the ass hard enough to see some sort of improvement by Christmas.


Current Favorite No-Lettuce Salad

September 17, 2010

I’m sick of lettuce, so I’ve been leaving it out. Feel free to add it if you have a burning desire.

– 1 baby cucumber, peeled and diced (or about 1 cup regular cuke, peeled, de-seeded and diced)
– 1/2 cup red bell pepper, diced
– 1/2 cup grape tomatoes, whole or halved
– 1/2 cup garbanzo beans or cannellini beans, rinsed and drained
– 1/3 cup feta, crumbled
– 1/2 cup snap peas, whole or halved
– 2 tbsp low-fat dressing of choice (I use Newman’s Own Light Raspberry & Walnut)

Mix all of the ingredients together and eat with a really big spoon. Or pack it into a piece of flatbread (nutritional info below is sans flatbread).

397 calories, 16 grams of fat, 48 grams of carbs, 15 grams of protein, 40 grams (?) of cholesterol, 8 grams of fiber, 28 grams (?) of calcium, 987 grams (?) of sodium, 415 grams (?) of potassium.

Obviously, I don’t know what unit of measurement to use for many of my nutritional values.


September’s Schedule

August 31, 2010

Ask me how well I did on 9/30. Heh. The only problem I foresee is a 6:15 AY-EM class on Saturday morning. Dedication to such an early rising has never been my forte.

Sundays
– 9:00a Yoga class, followed by cardio at home

Mondays
– 10:00a Beginner’s Zumba class, followed by total body collapse at home

Tuesdays
– 5:00p Yoga With Weights class

Wednesdays
– Cardio and weights at home after work

Thursdays
– 5:00p Yoga class

Fridays
– MY FRICKIN’ DAY OFF

Saturdays
– 6:15a Total Body Workout Class


So, Zumba.

August 20, 2010

I used to think I was a reasonably coordinated person. I took dance lessons from the age of five to the age of fourteen, forcryingoutloud. Plus, Bill hasn’t run screaming from me in embarrassment (believe me, he would) when we be clubbin’. So, I thought I was okay, dance-wise.

Apparently, though, it has been a VERY long time since I’ve been required to follow a beat with anything other than my bobbing head, or my tapping toe.

Enter Zumba.

Note, all of the things I’m about to say apply to the specific Zumba class that I took, and my specific opinion of said class. YMMV. It probably won’t, but it may.

For instance, it seems to be a professional requirement that Zumba instructors be dead sexy, wicked dancers, and ohmyholyfuck PERKY. With long flowing hair and loose fitting, low-cut peekaboo belly button I see you cargo pants with lots and lots of pockets. Also, hips that are triple-jointed. That do not lie.

They’re also unforgiving BITCHES. Because they don’t let you slow down, EVER. Or stop, EVER. Even if you’re going to cry, and you’re VERY UNATTRACTIVE when you cry. With the snot and the red nose and the hic-eeh. Hic-eeh.

I’m assuming there are guy Zumba instructors out there, but my particular studio only has girls.

The beat starts out in hyper-drive and continues in hyper-drive, with brief pauses for jesusfreakingCHRIST and pleaseohpleaseslowthefuckDOWN, followed by a brief interlude of IhopeIfalldownbecauseatleastI’llbeprone. I can’t jackknife my knees up and down on the upbeat, while simultaneously pumping my fists on the downbeat. I can’t do a one-two-three step with my legs, while doing a five count with my arms.

It’s like, rubbing my belly while patting my head and hopping on one foot while yelling “RUBBER BABY BUGGY BUMPERS!” at the top of my lungs. With my eyes closed.

In short, Zumba is TOUGH. And requires a Latin-esque connection to the hips that I, apparently, lack.

Did I mention the belly dancing? No? One would think, seeing as I posses QUITE the belly (goddammit), that the dancing of said belly would come naturally to me. One would be wrong. Because dancing and jiggling are two very different things. Altogether.

I would be the world champion of belly jiggling. I could teach a FRIKKIN CLASS on belly jiggling. Perkily, even. I’m qualified for that.

So, yeah. It was an entire hour of the samba, or maybe it was the rumba? The cha-cha? With grapevines and step-ball-changes and jazz boxes, plus some random spins thrown in there. The class went left, I went right. The class dipped down, I threw my hands in the air. The class trucked on in unison, I stopped eleventy-seven times to ponder, “Now, what the fuck are they doing?”. Step ball change. One two three.

And TURN! Glance at the sweating newbie standing still in the corner. Whose ponytail is soaked as if she stood under a shower head for a full five minutes. Randomly jerking her limbs in a grotesque pantomime of a seizure.

One two three. Jerk twitch fling.

I kept it together. I gamely hung in there for the full hour. I never stopped moving… I just sometimes didn’t move quite as vigorously as everyone else. Or as coordinated. Ly. And when it was over, I patted my face with my towel, swigged womanfully from my water bottle, strode out into the parking lot and to my car…

… where I collapsed in the air conditioned comfort and rested my forehead on the steering wheel. Reacquainting my lungs with their full capacity.

———-

I’ll go again. I will. Next time I’ll wear lighter shoes – my Sketchers (these) instead of my Reebok Easytones. Something that allows for movement and turns on the floor, instead of planting and sticking and doing knee damage.

I’m still going to stick to the back of the class, though. Except that they turn around and change directions so often that sometimes I end up at the FRONT of the class.

The humanity.


On Yoga

August 16, 2010

I found a lovely little place a stone’s throw away from my house, the Joyful Yoga Studio. They offer (obviously) yoga classes, as well as Zumba, Pilates, an Indoor Fit Camp, a Body Burn class, and a Total Body Workout class. I picked up a “new student” membership – unlimited classes for two weeks, for $25. Since single classes cost $10, I figured if I went a few times I’d get my money’s worth.

I took a yoga class on Saturday.
I took a yoga class on Sunday.
I took a yoga class this morning.
I’m scanning the schedule to see what else I can fit in during the week.

Saturday’s yoga class was for “all levels”, and was attended by about twenty people. The man who taught the class was, well, kind of aggressive about it. Is that the right word? He seemed to want to get through as many poses as he could in an hour, rushed the transitions without clearly explaining the process, and didn’t provide alternatives to some of the more advanced stances. He used only the Sanskrit terms for the poses (poses are “asanas”! I know that one!), which being a novice I, of course, didn’t follow. So when he said something like, “Go from Adho Mukha Svanasana to Anjaneyasana,” he didn’t explain WHAT those were, nor how to get from one to the other. It made me feel kind of dumb that everyone else in the class seemed to know exactly what to do, so I eyeballed them and tried to copy as best I could. The fact that my feet kept sliding on my NOT sticky mat didn’t help matters (note to self, NO LOTION ON THE FEET right before a class!). The instructor wasn’t too much of a help as he spent his time strolling among the students instead of demonstrating what he was talking about. Oh, except for when it was time to do some very advanced poses – THEN he was all about demonstrating (though it was impressive to see him do a scorpion pose). Kind of like showing off. At least, that was the impression I got. I could be utterly wrong. I might take his class again next Saturday, just to make sure I have the right impression. For some reason I hate to think of a yoga instructor as anything but kind and nurturing, so I’m loathe to go with my gut reaction of him.

Now, Sunday’s class (again for all levels) was like night and day. A female instructed about twelve of us, and she used the Sanskrit AND English terms for each of the asanas. When she noticed that I was struggling with Pigeon Pose (I have exceedingly tight hips), she came over and sat quietly next to me, and demonstrated a pose wherein I instead sit upright with my knees bent in front of me, hands behind me on the mat, then cross my left ankle over my right knee to open up my hips (couldn’t find a name for that one). So I sat there and did that, while I observed the class go from Pigeon Pose to One Legged King Pigeon Pose. She was very clear about how to transition from one pose to the next, and demonstrated everything. I liked her choice in music, too – not the typical yoga music, but a mix of acoustic versions of 70’s/80’s/90’s songs that were peaceful and at the same time entertaining. Songs I knew the words to! By the time I was finished with the class I was relaxed and energized at the same time. I could feel that my muscles had worked (I was stiff from the day before) but nothing was in pain. I will definitely follow this instructor on her schedule.

This morning’s class was listed as “Gentle Yoga”, attended by about ten students. I was actually going to try out the Zumba class later in the morning, but when I woke up my muscles were stiff from doing yoga two days in a row, so it sounded to me like “gentle” yoga would be just the thing to warm up and stretch the muscles that are yelling at me right now. I mean, I haven’t done yoga in AGES and now I’m filling my weekend with it? My body is all, what the HELL is going on here? But in a good way. Anyway, yet another female instructor, who didn’t speak in the low serene monotone I tend to associate with yoga instructors. She used a voice that I think is probably more at home with aerobics or Zumba (yep, I just checked the schedule and she’s one of the Zumba instructors). So it was bright and chirpy and cheerful, but still pleasant and not grating. Now, she didn’t use yoga terminology at all, except for “child’s pose” and “downward dog”. She kept encouraging us to “find the pause in the breath, and the peace in the pause”. This class was more about simple stretching, gentle balancing, and coaxing the body. There were older ladies, and one lady that actually had to use a walker, along with other ladies my age and younger. It was a completely non-taxing class that worked wonders on the stiffness I was feeling when I woke up. Some of the asanas allowed for more advanced modifications, which I used when I felt like it, and skipped when I didn’t. When the class was over I felt just right.

It is still my goal to check out Zumba, and perhaps the Total Body Workout. For right now, though, I seem to really want to be able to do yoga every day. I can tell that if I’m consistent about it, the stiffness in my neck and shoulders will be greatly assisted. Plus, I like the peace of it. I’m finding that being part of a class is much more enjoyable than I thought it would be. Up until now I’ve only ever practiced at home, privately, with a DVD. I thought I would feel awkward or embarrassed to practice in front of other people, but we’re all just doing our best within our own skill levels. No competition (well, except a little bit in the first class, it seemed), no peer pressure, no judgement. The studio itself is lovely – large windows, a wall length mirror, parquet floors, and lots and lots of mats, straps, blankets, and blocks. There is only one room for the classes, which makes things less crowded and hectic in the lobby as things can only happen one at a time.

For $75 a month I can have unlimited classes, or a can buy a 10-class punch card for $90. Or, I can just stick to class-to-class for $10 each. Everything is pay as you go, so the no membership thing appeals to me. Right now, though, I’m planning on using the heck out of the remaining time of my two week trial. There’s a Zumba class tomorrow night at 6:15 that I’m thinking of joining, or maybe I’ll skip a day and join the Wednesday 5:00 class. Thursday I’ll either do the 5:00 yoga class, or the 6:15 body burn. I think I’ll do Saturday morning’s 6:15 total body workout, then yoga on Sunday again.

Apparently, I’m rediscovering my motivation.


Favorite Snack ‘O The Moment

August 12, 2010

Pepper Boats with Cheese and Hummus

– 1/2 red bell or yellow bell pepper
– 1 wedge of Laughing Cow Light Creamy Swiss
– 2 tbsp hummus (I use Trader Joe’s Hummus Dip)

Cut bell pepper half into half. Spread half of the cheese into each pepper half, and top each half with half of the hummus (HALF HALF HALFETY HALF). (It starts looking weird after a while. Half.)

Consume. Then just go back into the kitchen, grab the other half of the bell pepper, and repeat. Cuz you’re not going to want to stop at just two little pepper boats.

One serving is 140 Calories, 14 carbs, 7 grams of fat, 5 grams of protein.