2010 in review

I got this summary of 2010 stats for No Butts in my e-mail this morning. I thought it was interesting/amusing, but I wonder why the picture of someone’s feet?

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The stats helper monkeys at WordPress.com mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here’s a high level summary of its overall blog health:

The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads Wow.

Crunchy numbers

A Boeing 747-400 passenger jet can hold 416 passengers. This blog was viewed about 2,600 times in 2010. That’s about 6 full 747s.

In 2010, there were 74 new posts, growing the total archive of this blog to 199 posts. There were 6 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 705kb.

The busiest day of the year was January 28th with 58 views. The most popular post that day was Salty.

Where did they come from?

The top referring sites in 2010 were davideckoff.com, snerkology.wordpress.com, bourbon-central.com, Google Reader, and dashboardhula.blogspot.com.

Some visitors came searching, mostly for 30ds, weird tan lines, 30ds workout, 30 ds, and tanned butts.

Attractions in 2010

These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.

1

Salty January 2010
11 comments

2

Weird Tan Lines? July 2009
10 comments

3

What DOESN’T Work In The Gym July 2009
12 comments

4

Little Bonuses June 2009
10 comments

5

When Hypoglycemia, Security Issues, and IBS Collide August 2009
8 comments

Wake up!

As I sat here finding myself sliding down in my chair (again), my eyelids gaining weight faster than the rest of me (oh, har!), I thought for some reason about one of my favorite movies, “Over the Hedge.”  I’m on a ‘fun’ kick recently, so I’m not all that surprised that this one popped up from the memory banks.

A few clicks later and then repeated clicks to keep going, I was chair dancing – of a variety that absolutely qualifies for aerobic activity; I will be sore later, lol.  Those in cubicle-ville probably can’t do what I just did, but if not, maybe it would be a fun one for some of you (*cough* ladies) to add to your playlists or just to dance around the house to when you feel the need.

In my case, let’s hear it for working at home, and finally, my vastly uneven basement floor finds some usefulness!

Happy Tuesday to You!

(Not for nothing here, but do y’all realize that I just added “Fun” as a category here?  Hmm.  Maybe we need a collective mental adjustment…?)

You Gotta Have Goals

So, what are your workout goals?

1. Not being embarrassed to work out in my actual workout clothes.
2. Not being out of breath by the time I get in place/set up/ready to work out.
3. To actually work out?
4. Not requiring 12 days of rest in between workouts.
5. Not requiring a doctor’s visit, ice, heat, bandage, splint, ultrasound, or physical therapy after a workout.
6. To whine a collective total of not more than 1 hour per workout.
7. To actually work out more than once?
8. To stop swearing at the television screen.
9. To really consider the value of a swear jar before I truly commit to #8.
10. To make this list sound at least slightly more funny than true.

I know:  It’s scary how high I’m aiming here.  I know they all warn against being unrealistic, but I wasn’t sure how to go lower and still have them count as goals!

 

I Ain’t ‘fraid of no Roast

I’ve been working for a little over two weeks now and I’m really happy with what’s happening. My “plan,” if you can call it that, is to count calories and do straight cardio for another twenty pounds or so and then I’ll start adding different things in – weights and all that, to start the toning process. So far I’ve seen about six pounds slide off and have tentatively been trying on some one-size-down pants and been excitedly zipping them up – one of my favorite feelings in the world.

My first test arrives tomorrow. (Note: all dramatics from here on out are for comedic effect; I realize my actions are not going to impact the rotation of Earth and the sun will still rise the next day) We’re headed to a family reunion at my MIL’s cousin’s house. We went last Summer too, and he lives in a beautiful spot right on a river, surrounded by tall bamboo trees and it looks like something out of a magazine. So that’s nice. And even though I don’t know exactly what’s on tap for food choices, based on my extensive research in the field, here’s what the tables will look like:

Salads – not the kind I’ve been eating; more like potato, pasta, jello, anything with a mayo-based dressing

Casseroles – I’ve always said leave it to the South to make a fruit or vegetable fattening; squash, pineapple, broccoli, green bean – anything including cream-of-something soup and a buttery top crust

The usual meats – slabs of beef, ribs, fried chicken (True story: Brian told me early on in the dating he needed me to learn how to fry chicken before we got married. Obviously he was high – I still don’t know how)

Mac & Cheese – deserves its own category

Desserts – despite my raging sweet tooth, I usually do okay in this area, as ice cream is my main weakness and that’s never around these outdoor events, because it wouldn’t survive the heat. Unless someone brings an ice cream churn like they did one other time but let’s not dwell on that. It’ll be mostly sticky gooey cakes and pies and I don’t have a problem skipping those for the most part, though in full disclosure I’ll say I’m happy Princess Time just ended or that could’ve posed a potential terror threat as well.

Beverages – this is a Southern Baptist, tee-totalling family and I’m lucky in that I don’t drink very much either so don’t need to worry that into the calorie equation. But. Sweet tea and soda will rule the day and I have a serious problem with both. For almost a month I’ve drank nothing, NOTHING, but a cup of coffee in the morning and water the rest of the day and I when see that beautiful amber sparkly bubbly liquid poured into a Solo cup over ice (Coke = my crack), I don’t know what I’ll do.

Anyway. I’ve learned by now there are going to be days like this that won’t be ideal. On the other hand, I’m not going to mindlessly chow all day and undo some of the progress I’ve made, nor am I going to beat myself up over indulging in some ridiculous food. My goal is to be mindful and moderate and just enjoy a nice Summer day with the husband and family.

That, and maybe run the sixty miles home afterwards.

Would You Ever?

Why???

I came across this abomination the other day and couldn’t resist sharing.

I present to you…the McGangBang. Made from an entire McChicken sandwich and two cheeseburgers, it is not technically on the McDonald’s menu, but supposedly you can simply request it, pay $2.16 plus whatever your co-pay is for a trip to the emergency room and never be able to face yourself in the mirror again.

If you’re as morbidly curious as I am, you can read more about it here.

Whatever Helps the Cause

So I’ve learned some lessons during this whole weight loss journey. One of them, a biggie, is when I’m all hyped up and excited about hopping back on the wagon, DON’T make too big of a deal of it. Last summer when we all joined forces and formed this blog, I was so happy. I was slowly but steadily losing weight and loved nothing more than discussing the subject with you guys and whoever else who would listen. Six weeks later things were chugging right along and I wrote a post about being nervous to break my routine to go on vacation. Then I went on vacation. DundunDUNNN…fucked.

I felt like such a failure and more than that, a fool. How many people (besides myself) did I disappoint? Probably nobody, but that’s not how it felt. I was embarrassed. I had thought making my goals public would shame me into staying the course. Ha! Well, we all saw how that turned out. Then when I was finally ready to start over, I was almost scared to come back here and admit it to anyone. Luckily for me you guys are all awesome and supportive and I feel like an idiot. In a good way.

Anyway, as good as it is to be back here, I’ve been even more careful in real life. Besides Brian, whom I live with and who notices when I stop doing things like asking for chocolate whenever he stops at a convenience store, I tried to keep it all on the DL, especially at work. I’m not what you’d call close to my co-workers, but we are friendly and make the daily small talk (they do way, way, WAY more than me, as in Please. Stop. Talking – my God).

The two women who have offices right next to mine are who I’m talking about specifically. They’re very nice, but to call them over-sharers is a gross understatement. Every day I’m treated to an almost endless stream of the minutae of every aspect of their lives. They get along with each other very well as you can imagine, but I’ve backed off to the point of being politely acknowledging and that’s about all I can handle.

I have a point, I promise – Jesus, I’m starting to sound like them.

So the other day I was eating lunch in my office – a salad. This is not unusual for me anyway, but for some reason as they were leaving to go out for lunch, they stopped in my doorway and started tag-teaming me.
“Ooh, that looks good!”
“What are you doing, eating a salad?” (Uhhh…)
“Are you on a diet?”
“You do look like you’ve lost weight!”
“Blahblahblahblah”

I was wearing pants one size down from what’s been the norm lately, which I was pretty damn excited about, so in a moment of pure weakness I admitted yes, I was “working on losing some weight.” Low-key. No big deal. Sure.

It takes way less than that for them to latch on and run with something, so they immediately started talking about it – since we’re all trying to lose weight why not turn it into something fun we can do together – a Biggest Loser type contest! We can send out an email to the other women, see if anyone else wants to participate and then at the end of three or six or however many months, whoever loses the most percentage of weight wins a prize! Weekly weigh-ins, the works.

Then, and I’m not even joking, they went out to Burger King.

You’d think my feelings for them along with my trying to keep the weight watching bidness to myself would cause me to immediately back out, right? Well, I thought so at first too. I’m not a joiner, certainly not when it comes to these people, and it just makes more sense to keep on truckin’ solo. Except the more I thought about it, the more I figured this might become a real source of amusement for me. A little friendly competition never hurt, right? And it wouldn’t be the first time I’ve been motivated out of just purely wanting to shut someone up.

The contest starts this Monday. Today they asked if I wanted to go with them to the Old Fashioned Sandwich Shoppe for cheese fries and milkshakes because they wanted to “celebrate” while there’s still time. I politely declined and went back to my tuna on rye. Which they made fun of. And then upon returning went into great detail about how awesome the food was, still slurping their shakes and simultaneously griping about how full they were.

I think this is going to be fun.

Losing It with Jillian Loses a Viewer

I had high hopes for the new Jillian show, but after giving it two chances I’m just gonna go ahead and say, “Wait, what?”

Nothing against Bob, but she is my favorite trainer on The Biggest Loser – supreme badassness notwithstanding, you can tell she very much BELIEVES in what she does and seems to really care about helping people (albeit in a scary, drill seargent way). And we all know how much I love her 30-Day Shred DVD. So I thought, Great – a whole show of just her inspiring and helping people and then in turn me, without the silly contest and annoying team back-stabbing.

Um, no. Well yes, but no. Okay, the premise is pretty good; families around the country have written to what I suppose was a request situation set up by the show, the producers or whomever picked out the lucky few and they each get a week with Jillian who will teach them how to eat right, kick their butts into a gym (where are all these 24-hour gyms they always show on these shows? I’ve never seen one) and a week later, they’d have all the tools they’d need to change their lives and all get into shape. Then of course the payoff – six weeks or so later Jillian comes back to check on their progress and of course everyone done good and I get to see my beloved before/after pictures.

Realization hits hard

I was so happy to lose another almost-pound when I stepped on the scale this morning.

Then I remembered. I got a haircut last night.

By Popular Demand

I put the camera in her hand this time.

MTAE, look away!  Look away!

I can’t stand the silence

(Shut it, Crisitunity.)

I feel like I’ve been a non-contributing lump lately.  But my workouts have been hella boring.

I have gotten some good reading done, though.  Although I had to start bringing in a ruler to hold my book open on the little tabs on the cross-trainer.

Typical five-minute stretch, say 20 minutes into the workout:

• TB:  Flips page, grabs towel, wipes sweat off bald head and face
• Book:  Left side page flops out, perpendicular to my line of sight
• TB:  Adjusts book
• iPod:  New song starts, volume very quiet
• TB:  Adjusts volume
• Book:  Right side flops out
• TB:  Adjusts book, loses stride
• iPod:  Falls out of the cupholder, left earphone pops out, it’s hanging by my right ear
• TB:  carefully pulls iPod up through the slot in the cupholder by the cord
• Book:  Right side flops out
• TB:  Loses a step on crosstrainer, almost falls off, adjusts book, grabs towel, wipes sweat
• Book:  Right side flops out
• TB:  Curses, adjusts book
• Book:  Left side flops out
• TB:  Resists urge to throw book across room, adjusts book
• iPod:  New song starts, volume way high, blows eardrums out
• TB:  Adjusts volume, grabs towel, wipes sweat, turns page
• Book:  flips TB the bird

I might have hallucinated that last one.  But I’m not betting on it.