Taking it Literally

I woke up with a crazy idea this morning and it inspired me to write a little poem.

Thirty days has September
And hey, so does the Shred
Either I’ll be one hot bitch by October
Or else possibly I might be dead.

Yeah, I think I may have lost it, but I decided what better way to re-commit than start out on the first day of a brand new month with a completely insane challenge for myself. I’m not making any deals with Satan, but I am going to ATTEMPT to do the Shred every day of this month. Why not, right? Who knows what crazy shit might happen – maybe I’ll even be able to move past this ten-pounds-lost-but-not-one-ounce-more fun place I’ve been in for so long. Maybe. Maybe I’ll pull a major muscle trying. Either way it’ll be interesting (to me) to see if I can stick to something like this. Because I think if I can, I’ll be a lot more inspired to look around for the next challenge and the next and keep going with that.

We’ll see how it goes and you know I’ll be sharing my results October 1st.

Have Jillian, Will Travel

I posted awhile ago about being concerned with going on vacation while trying to keep my eating problem under control. (I guess since I don’t have a drinking, drug, gambling or p0rn problem, all that’s left is eating because there has to be something, right?) Well, now that vacation time is almost here, I’m feeling pretty good about the strategy I have in mind.

Like Shari, I want to enjoy everything to the fullest while I’m away and that of course includes food. You’re not going to find me dutifully recording everything in my little calorie log while I’m hanging out with family and friends. And I already have several plans of going out to eat with different people; I’m going to be enjoying the company too much to be worrying about the numbers.

Never Too Late for Shame

Thirteen years ago when it became apparent Brian was going to start spending the night with me on a regular basis, I purposely farted in front of him to break the ice and get that issue out of the way.

I’ve had no problem through the years letting him hold my hair while I vomited and I’ve vomited a lot over the years.

I’ve requested him be present in the room for various medical procedures involving my girl parts.

I’m not usually very self-conscious around my husband is what I’m saying. But something weird has happened lately, that I’m sure has to do with the weight gain, and that is I’ve become shy around this person I’ve shared my life with for over a decade. I haven’t been getting undressed or dressed if he’s in the room, oh hale naw. He’s not been privvy to what the scale’s been saying and for the first time ever, I haven’t shared with him what my weight is. I don’t think it’ll be a surprise when I tell you marital relations have become something done sans light and sans light only.

One Week Down

It was with mild trepidation I approached the scale this morning. It’s been one week and in that time I managed to do the 30DS four times and the stepper once. I’ve also been diligent with keeping a food journal, and after Laura was kind enough to point me in the direction of a cool calorie calculation site, was able to keep my calorie intake at or under the 1600 mark, which is what’s recommended as long as I’m trying to lose weight.

Daily Goals

• Walk in the morning.  (check)
• Mow the lawn in 90-degree weather this afternoon.  Preferably without passing out.
• Not go so nuts over dinner tonight as I did last night.  (Couldn’t help it – Dys made roast beef, potatoes, and carrots.  *SNARF*)

And of course, this important one:

• Condition myself to not be disappointed when I see the “30DS” category and realize it’s not talking about a bra size.

Breaking routines

Wow, I’m really excited we already have so many friends already joining us in this awesome, but sometimes monotonous, mostly very painful journey. When I guessed it was a topic near and dear to many of our hearts (and asses), I guess I wasn’t wrong. I love reading everybody’s stories and maybe it’s the voyeur in me, I don’t know – but it makes me feel like I’m less alone in this struggle when I know there are others out there going through the same thing.

With that in mind, can anyone tell me, anyone, when it will be that the 30-DS will stop making even my hair hurt? I know it’s only been two days, but last night after some much-deserved veg time on the couch, I went to stand up and almost fell down. Brian didn’t laugh at me, probably because I’d asked him to watch me go through the Shred just once, so that all my bitching to him would be justifiable. Or at least understandable. He politely declined when I asked if he wanted to try it with me, which is probably a good thing, as my floor space is sort of limited. He was helpful in correcting my wrists for the punching, since I totally hit like a girl. I don’t want to hit like a girl anymore; I want to hit like Jillian.

Here’s another question. As much as I hate love the Shred, I’m sure after a period of time, I’m going to want to integrate different work-out DVD’s into my life – and I’ve never done anything before this. Does anybody have any they can recommend? I’ve noticed an exercise On Demand channel that I see Bob Harper has a show on (what, does the Biggest Loser have a corner on the entire exercise market?), so I’m going to check some of those out too. I’m thinking anything is a cakewalk compared to Jillian Hell, but maybe I’m wrong. God help me if I am.

Lastly, here’s something else that’s been nagging me for a few days since all this madness started. It’s that most wonderful time of the year again when everyone is gearing up to go on their awesome summer vacations. I know Laura’s is coming very soon, and God willing, I’m hoping to go to Florida next month. And I’m already nervous thinking about not so much the eating temptations, although of course there will be those too, but breaking my routine. I know it’s possible to exercise while you’re on vacation, but how realistic is it? I don’t want to be a month or six weeks into my health kick only to sabotage it for a week. And what’s getting me through this initial part of this is the fact that there’s not a whole lot going on right now so it’s easy to keep a daily regimen. I’m all about the routine and I know for me, it helps me to create this habit by making it as regular a part of my day as sleeping is.

So what do you guys think – are you planning on “being naughty” while on your trips? Are you going to try to fit exercise in as a way of off-setting all that fabulous vacation food? Because in my mind, part of the fun of being on vacation is the break in ALL your normal routines; isn’t that the whole point? I’m a little freaked over this; can you tell? I mean, it’s not as if Jillian won’t fit easily into my suitcase and wherever I’ll be I know will have a DVD player. The question is will she come OUT of the suitcase and make it into that DVD player. I guess only time will tell.

Kicked: One Ass

Alright. This is not going to be an “All Shred, All The Time” website. But the 30 Day Shred workout is so significantly ass-kicky that it’s going to merit an entry or twelve, by each of us who are committing ourselves to this lunacy (I’m looking at you, Kim).

Let’s see if I can get my shaking arms to cooperate long enough to type this.

I thought to put on my heart rate monitor before I got started this afternoon – after 24 minutes (there’s a warm-up and cool-down part of the program) my HRM says I burned 275 calories (at 5’4″, 153 lbs*, 35 years old – which I will be one month from Saturday – apparently these stats matter for calorie burn calculation). Of course, for all but five minutes of that time, I was outside (read: WAY outside) my target heart rate (135-155), with my max topping out at a whopping 191 beats per minute. Now, that CAN’T be healthy for you, can it? But I’ll be blessed if I can figure out how to slow down my heart rate, while still keeping up with that Nazi woman.

My nutritionist (who is also a competitive body building coach) always says that a person can gauge their level of fitness by the time it takes them to recover from a hard workout.

Bwa. Bwa ha. Bwa ha ha.

For a dead person, I’m surprisingly ambulatory.

Hey Kim, how are you at those side lunges with anterior raises? Because I gotta tell you, they’re HELL on my knees. I just end up doing wide-stance squats instead of the side lunges – I can’t get the form right and I’m going to end up doing damage. Also, WTF, the bottoms of my feet burn like a mutha while squatting and doing those punches. What’s that all about? I’m getting better at bicycle crunches, but I hate push-ups with the white hot burning passion of a thousand suns. And I doubt that’s ever going to change.

I’m not planning on doing this every day – I’m of the school of thought that muscles need a day of rest in between strength training workouts, to give them a chance to build up. So at this second in time (which can change without warning) the plan is to alternate a day of shred, a day of cardio, etc. If I can HANDLE it. Which, at the moment, is questionable.

Okay, I stink. I’m off to shower. (You’re welcome.)

(*Hah. When I first typed this entry and hit “Post”, I’d originally put in my weight as 133 lbs. How’s that for a subliminal slip-up?)